Very informative site. Just looking for things to help me figure out what is going on with me. Thanks.  --Phoenix

Thank you for providing the information in this site. You don't know how much it helps.  --L.

Thank you for this.  I am newly separated.  He is very mentally abusive; this is him all the way.  --Shannon

Thank you, I keep this site bookmarked, it has been a guide for me.  I am still looking to find the help I need but I am truly glad that I have found this site.  I refer to it a lot.  --Anon.

This site was like reading my own personal diary. I am a smart, independent, very successful woman who has been caught up in this cycle of abuse with my boyfriend for 18 months. I am a life coach, have studied psychology and THOUGHT I was very keen on various subject matters.  --SG

After 12 years of a very co-dependent marrage, my wife left me, taking my daughter with her. There is not much out there to help men in this situation. It's very hard for a man to admit even to himself that he has been emotionally abused by a woman. I think a lot of anger on my part came from not understanding that. The web site has been a big help. Thanks.  --Gary

This information is very relevant to children with emotionally abusive parents. I know. I am one of them, unfortunately. This information applies to my mother in regard to my father, my mother in regard to me, and my father in regard to me. One can see the patterns of emotional abuse as they have been sown through the generations. I am ending this cycle. Thank you.  --J.

Your website so accurately describes abuse. You have done a great job with it. Thank you. I have certainly benefited from it personally. I only just left my husband two weeks ago due to emotional abuse and it took me reading lots of material to finally convince myself that it was not my imagination or my fault. Your website was one that I printed and carried around with me for days.  --Carole

I bumped into your site by chance and wanted to thank you for recognizing that men can be in abusive relationships also. I left an abusive spouse over a year ago and have been trying to sort out my life since then. I have found a woman who loves me for who I am and who encourages me to do the things I always wanted to do. It has been a long and at times, frustrating road, but I believe that with time I will be whole again. Thank you.  --Marc

The stuff that talks about emotional abuse and the abusers, can also describe parents, that are that way as well. There should be a section about emotional abuse, talking about what THEY are like.  --Jim

Thanks, Lorelei. Super great site. Helping me immensely.  --An

I think your website may save the life of my best friend!!!!  Thank you for speaking out and giving these hopeless women a place to find hope!  --Brandi

I have added a page for male victims too.  It's easier writing to have it worded two separate ways.

I love this site's info and focus. But who are you? How do I know you have any credibility? Are these opinions? Or are these statements based on facts, studies, or personal experience of a reliable person who is qualified to speak knowledgably about these subjects?  --KK

Dear KK,

I have no official credibility. All this material was on xeroxed handouts from women's shelters and counselors, given to my sister about 8 years ago when she was being harassed by her ex-husband.

At that time I went on the internet to try to find more information to help her, but there were no websites about emotional abuse. So, I took the xerox's main information and put them on a webpage, in case other people were having an even harder time than my sister.

Over time I've made small adjustments to the page according to reader emails. For instance I received a lot of direct input from victims, so I was able to make an extra page for male victims.

These days there are lots of websites about emotional abuse, many by social agencies and counselors. My page continues to receive a lot of visitors only because it's been on the internet longer than the other sites.

--Lorelei
(just some lady)

I would like information on how to talk to a brother who is being emotionally abused by his wife. Also, how do I talk to their daughter?  --Steve

Hello Steve,

I'm not a psychologist or professional, so my advice isn't very official.

But I would suggest first you do as much reading as you can:
http//www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22emotional+abuse%22

Then you might need help from within your community. I don't know where you live, so I suggest you go to http//yp.yahoo.com

On the right side do "change location" and type in your city and state.

Then in the left-side box, do searches for words such as "counseling", "abuse" or "hotline". This will give you the phone numbers of crisis centers and support centers in your area. Call the centers and tell them you are seeking advice regarding an family emotional abuse situation.

There are some people who are still unfamiliar with emotional abuse; if you talk to such people don't worry about it, just get the referrals to the right kinds of people who will know and understand what information you need.

I hope this info will be of help,

--Lorelei

I feel my daughter is being emotionally abused by her boyfriend. What can I do about it?  --K.

Dear Kathy,

I don't know much about your situation, such as how old your daughter is or what your relationship with her is like. If she's in her teens or 20s, that's typically an age where daughters don't take their parents' advice or opinions seriously, in fact some tend to take the opposite opinion of their parents' on most topics.

If you're in a situation like that, telling her that you think she's being emotionally abused might only make her dig in her heels, make her think you're criticizing her taste in boyfriends or whatever.

The best I can think of is, that you could print out the webpage and give it to her. Tell her that people in her age group tend to develop relationships like this and that she can help her friends by spreading this article around, that she can tell her friends to keep an eye on their relationships so their boyfriends don't take any advantage of them.

One can only hope that if you give her the info "for her friends" (instead of it coming off as you criticizing her boyfriend), that she might recognize her problems independently when reading the lists.

Other than that, I don't have other ideas of what to do. Ann Landers always tells people to ask psychologists when there are problems, but one hopes that quiet steps will work without resorting to that.

--Lorelei

Confidential to SH:

Dear SH,

Since your girlfriend is underage and not a victim of physical abuse, it may be difficult for her to get assistance from any organizations.

Even though she's not an adult yet, though, she can begin taking her own steps toward the abuse-free life she will have as soon as she turns 18 and leaves her parents.

Please visit http://www.ascasupport.org

If possible, read through the website together, and discuss what advice, actions and thought-processes she can take right now. She won't be able to do everything due to her age, but even planning ahead to do certain things later, can help one's feelings in the present. If you can go through the site with her bit by bit, you can encourage her at the time to talk about how all these things relate to her, and how she feels about her difficulties. Talking/sharing is a major part of preventing abuse from causing mental harm.

Good luck,

--Lorelei

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