Obsessive Ex Syndrome
Personal accounts: Attachment Obsession

In basic attachment cases, the Obsessor wants their ex-partner back.  They want to recover the love relationship and have everything go back to the way it was.  In more complicated attachment cases, the Obsessor might know things can't go back to the way they were, but they still want some sort of connection retained -- control over the partner, physical possession of the partner, etc.

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He calls whenever convenient for him and wants to be "friends". He says that he has no "hard feelings" for me. Wants to stay in contact with me instead of letting things go. Asks lots of questions about my present life. If I say one thing that sounds rude or not pleasant, he starts saying that he's "never seen anything like me before" and "no wonder I can't keep a man" and anything to make me feel like a loser.  He also says that he's praying that if it's God's will for us to get back together, that we will.

He would call repeatedly, at all hours of the night 3am, 4am, and even 7am but being awake from the day before. He would threaten to commit suicide, and tell me that he wouldn't if I came back to him. We have been broken up for 2 years now and he is still trying to contact me every three months or so.

He continues to call after numerous times of telling him I don't want to talk to him anymore. He insists on being "friends" because we have "history" together. When we were involved with each other he was abusive physically and mentally but he doesn't want to understand the reason why I don't want him in my life. It has been two years since our break-up; the harassment still continues.

Refusal to accept that the relationship is over.  Repeated phone calls / emails.  Contacting ex-partner's friends and family, friends of friends looking for information, photographs etc.

I am the girlfriend of a guy who has an obsessive ex. She... lives in denial that he is happy with me and that his daughter is happy. We moved in together about 7 months ago after a 3-year relationship and she just can't accept the fact that he could actually love someone else. She has lowered herself to manipulating his daughter to get closer to him and constantly calls his sister and tells her things that make it sound like he is just using me for financial reasons. Her obsession basically is with trying to turn him against me by spreading rumors or putting her own little slant on the truth.

He would follow me, offer me things in exchange (flowers, money, presents) to see me. At times he would get angry and say negative things, next day he would go back to his usual behavior... stating he was in love.
    [The obsessive behavior ended when:]  I ignored him, never acknowledged his presence and acted like he didn't bother me.

I met the most charming man... so I thought. He would continually flatter me with compliments. At times he would get very depressed and tell me about his horrible childhood and history. He also told me that he knew that I was different and I would not leave him. Things really started to get out of control after about 6-8 months. He wanted to know every little detail of my day, who I spoke to, what was said, what I wore. There were times that he would scream at me or rip the clothing that I wore because it was not what he wanted me to leave the house in.
    When he was angry he would destroy my belongings, threaten me, my job, anything to get control of the situation. It was like living a horrible nightmare. Some days were great and others were horrid. He has sent emails to my work filled with lies about my background and he even emailed my resignation to one of my former employers. He always makes the threat, then contests that he would never go through with it because he loves me too much. I do have to say when that did not bring me back he did actually follow through. I have lived a life of "walking on eggshells".
    I have since gotten my children and myself out of the house. He still contacts me and wants to "fix" the situation. He has gone to counseling a few times, but has since moved to be closer to me.
    It has been a roller coaster and I am still having a difficult time getting away from it. I have a feeling that I may never get completely away from it.

I broke it off with him 3-4 weeks ago. I had only been seeing him for 2 months. He begins to pretend like we are still dating and calls me "sweetheart" and even asked me to marry him after I broke it off! He is delusional about what we were going to become and I was always honest. I told him to stop contacting me and he went crazy and he left me over 22 messages on my voicemail the other day and tons of text messages. He is now threatening me legally. My girlfriend says I need to report him but I think he is going to stop and come to his senses, but I am not sure and I am a little scared. I am glad he is a businessman because he will be traveling for the next month.

OBSESSIVE EX SYNDROME Stage 1: Courtship - tests how much control can get over partner Stage 2: Relationship - tries to maintain control Stage 3: Break-Up - Obsessor will not accept relationship is over; argues or discusses with ex-partner repeatedly Stage 4: Stalking - ex-partner is no longer willing to see Obsessor, but Obsessor keeps trying to contact Stage 5: Threats - intimidation, threatening, blackmail, etc Stage 6: Violence - abduction, assault, murder and/or suicide

I tell him not to call me excessively, and he still does. I tell him not to call my work, and if i don't answer my cell, he will call my work.  He is more annoying than ever, and I broke up with him a year ago. If I don't talk to him for a day he will constantly text me, "are you mad at me?" He is always saying "I am sorry", yet he keeps doing it over repeatedly.  At first, I tried to be friends and help him get through this, but now I don't even want to be friends with him.  We were friends since we were 15 and dated for 2 yrs and I am 22, and he doesn't understand that we are nothing now because he holds on to the fact that we were best friends before.

I recently filed for divorce from my husband of 13 years. We were married when we were 21 and 23. After years of emotional and verbal abuse and manipulation, I finally called it quits when he accused me of abandoning my 1 year old child because I had taken too long at the grocery store and he had been at home by himself with her.
    At first, he threatened to not leave the house and insisted that I leave since I was with one who wanted the separation/divorce. Eventually, he did move out, but still insisted on trying to have "family time" with us together with our daughters. He tried to turn our 7 year old against me by telling her that he still loves Mommy and that he didn't do anything wrong and that Mommy made him move out.
    He would email me several times per day at work. The tone of the emails would swing back and forth between attempts to make amends and reconcile and verbal abuse.
    He entered my house without my permission or knowledge and rummaged through my drawers and old mail when I wasn't home. He then proceeded to tell all of our mutual friends and family that I must be having an affair because I had bought new lacy underwear and new sheets for my bedroom. He also intercepted one of my cell phone bills and flew into a rage when he saw the number of a male co-worker (whom I work with frequently on projects) listed several times on it. He then emailed all of his family, my family and our mutual friends and called several people within my company, including my boss, and told all of them that he had obtained proof that I was having an affair and he named my co-worker in these communications as well.
    The obsessive behavior ended when:
    1) My divorce attorney and I served him with a temporary injunction prohibiting him from communicating with me, and communicating with anyone other than his attorney about me. The penalties for his violation of this order were punishable by fine, jail time, and/or loss of custodial privileges.
    2) I emailed everyone he had contacted and explained to them that the abusive and manipulative behavior they had witnessed was indicative of the way my life was when we were married.  In other words, I turned the tables by letting his behavior speak for itself.

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